By Milt Rosen
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Pop quiz! Who stated what approximately background? historical past is . . . (a) kind of bunk. (b) a nightmare from which i'm attempting to wake up. (c) as completely contaminated with lies as a highway whore with syphilis. fit your solutions: (1) Stephen Daedalus of James Joyce's Ulysses (2) Henry Ford (3) Arthur Schopenhauer It seems that the reply don't need to be bunk, nightmarish, or diseased.
“Brilliant. ” —GQ "Hilarious. ” — the days (London) “A novel approximately golfing that's not simply hilarious, yet gripping, attractive, violent, and outrageous. . . . Niven combines his more and more strange plots, and a few surprising habit, with enormous ability and, after all, huge helpings of humor. ” — The replicate From Kill your pals writer John Niven, The Amateurs is a side-splitting and whip-smart exam of golfing, infidelity, and the way little white balls make a few males insane.
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Extra info for The Ugly Joke Book
A purchaser got here in for a sandwich and stared on the busboy. The busboy grew to become a bit fearful and requested the guy why he was once staring. the fellow responded, "About two decades in the past whilst i used to be out the following within the west, I made like to a buffalo one evening. i used to be considering should you should be my child. " . "' while she went to a dance, rather than being a wallflower, she was once a wall weed . for a very long time, she felt she was once gruesome. someone informed her to turn into extra confident. Now she's confident she's grotesque. 6UOJM 8LH paJadB! P A84l S4lUOW ·pua XIS lSJ! J 841 JOJ ' UJOq SBM 84S U84M Aj6n OS SBM 84S A guy used to be forged adrift and at last ended up on ~ abandoned island. For fifteen years, he used to be with no the companionship of a lady. in the future he chanced on a bottle. Taking a bit of fabric from his blouse he scribbled a observe, sealed it within the bottle, and threw it in , the sea. The bottle drifted for 5 years and used to be eventually picked up by means of a really gruesome girl. as the be aware appeared so pressing, she employed a yacht and headed for that island. She awarded herself to the lonesome castaway. "Here I am," she stated. " I obtained your message. " The castaway checked out her. "It should have come from that subsequent island. " * She used to be so grotesque, she wasn't indexed in who is Who. She was once indexed in what is that? She continuously went round with a chip on her shoulder-her head. "With her seems she might move a ways. " "Why does not she? " .. . " I listen your spouse went round braless the opposite day. " "She definitely did. " "Did you see something? " "Her neck straightened out. " " She felt a lump in her breast. It was once her shoe. " A peeping tom seemed in her window one evening and tomorrow despatched her funds for drapes. .. ·s! a4s t\16n M04 ual tue::> t\a41.. .. 1. -A4M .. .. ·salBP PU! Iq Sa. I\OI a4s .. His spouse was once, to place it m ildly, unattractive. yet he 'd been taught that it is what is beneath that counted. So he carried one among her x-rays in his pockets. * * " i am gonna marry an unsightly woman, simply because a handsome woman might run away. " " an unpleasant woman may run away. " " Yeah , yet who may care? " ~ " i am going down day after today to get a puppy for my_wife. " " in the event you could make it, that is an exceptional exchange. " She used to be so grotesque, she lit up a room while she left it. girls like her do not develop on bushes. They swing from them . • She was once born twins, yet her mom should have thrown the great one away. • • at some point she went to a bar. whilst she sat down, 5 men took the pledge. She had bobbed hair. On her chin . " My spouse is an expensive. and that i cannot watch for the looking season to begin. " He took his woman to the zoo, however the zoo would not settle for her. * .. .. "I listen your grotesque sister received married. " "Yup. " "Who's the fortunate guy? " "My father. " .. ~ She consistently saved her mouth closed. She was once afraid they might placed an apple in it. a truly gruesome woman lucked into marriage with a good-looking younger guy. Her father was once so thankful, he informed the son-in-law, "I have fun with what you probably did and that i love you for it. to teach you the way i believe , i'll offer you half my enterprise. And is there anything i will be able to do for you? " ·slOP a1.. n l~auuo~ ~Bid p(no~ ~a4_t ·Ja4 paAO( spl)!