Download E-books Hullawrerr China!: The Best of Francie and Josie PDF

By Rikki Fulton

Francie & Josie started their significant occupation on the Alhambra Theatre in Glasgow in 1958. initially dropped at existence by means of Stanley Baxter, it used to be to be the partnership of Rikki Fulton and Jack Milroy that introduced Francie & Josie popularity and fortune. adequate to shop for a couple of fish suppers, besides. Hullawrerr China! is a set of Francie and Josie's funniest moments from their decades in showbusiness - together with the unique model of the mythical Arbroath cartoon. And as Francie & Josie stated themselves - 'we have perspired thegether to make a couple of spectacles of wurselves, foisted wurselves on a hugely expectorant public and we're taking the opperchancity to provide prior to your very eyes a creation which for sheer hypocrisy and slite-of-hand will stay without end within the annuals of all maternity.'

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Francie: Can can! Josie: want Ah could–could! In Montparnasse, Paris, the owner of a regular French bar is speaking to a really horny woman referred to as Gabrielle who's dressed Apache-style. There are males all over the place in a number of levels of intoxication and dancing women input doing the can-can. Francie & Josie arrive to survey the scene. Josie: There ye are, Francie. Whit d’ye give some thought to it? Francie: Aw, it’s amazing, Josie. great. it can be the Griffin Bar. Josie: (Spotting Gabrielle) Oh, jings, could ye examine that!!! Now that's what ye name a piece-de-resistance! Francie: Whit’s a piece-de-resistance? Josie: That’s a French burd that desires ye tae purchase her dinner first. Francie: through jings, Ah imagine Ah understand her, Josie. Josie: Ye comprehend her? Francie: Aye, is that no’ the Madonna wi’ the large boobies? owner: Allo’, allo’! Francie: There, whit did Ah inform ye! owner: (With robust, garlicky breath) ’ow am i able to ’elp you? Josie: Ye can cease breathin’ for a begin. Francie: My God, has he been eatin’ auld insoles? Josie: Naw, it’s the garlic, Francie. Francie: Oh, Ah beg your pardon. Ochone, Ochee. Kimerra hashie. Kimerra how. Slanjay var. Josie: Ah stated GARLIC, Francie, no’ GAELIC! owner: you're Eengleesh? Francie: Whit d’ye imagine we must always do, Josie? Josie: good, speakin’ in my opinion … Ah imagine … Ah’m gonnae huvtae hit him within the mooth. Francie: Naw, Josie, remain cool. Use yer international relations. Josie: Aye, yer correct, Francie. i'll say this simply the wance, masseur. We ensue tae be Scottish. Scottish, ye comprehend? and also you, I take it are a filthy nice Froggy schmuck? owner: (Nodding fortunately) Oui, m’sieur, Oui! Josie: (Still smiling and nodding) Ye’ve a breath on ye like rancid kippers! owner: (Delighted) Merci, m’sieur, merci. you're Scotteesh. i love Scotteesh. I ’ave a cousin who leeves in Scoatland. Francie: Naw, whereaboots? owner: Edinburgh. Francie: Aw, jings, nae ask yourself ye’ve undesirable breath. owner: you need a desk, Messieurs? What approximately thees desk ’ere? Josie: Oh, good, it’s no’ that we’re clannish nor nuthin’, yet we don’t fancy sittin’ wi’ Kinnock and Hattersley there. do we no’ have a desk tae wurselves? owner: A desk of your individual, messieurs, a desk you shall ’ave. He choices up a bottle and hits the lads over the top. They fall to the ground and are over excited by way of the waiters. Josie: Now, that’s what I name provider, Francie. Francie: Aye. they can be doin’ wi’ somethin’ like that on the DHSS. owner: Now, messieurs, what approximately whatever to drink? you need whatever relatively really good? Wat if I say to you – Peena Colada? Josie: I couldnae do this tae ANYBODY’S colada! Naw, je inform ye whit, masseur. Avvy voo ony vice president? Francie: the following, that’s marvellous, Josie. Ah didnae understand ye might converse French. Josie: Ach, it’s nothin’, Francie. pay attention tae this. Eh, masseur. Avvy voo the time the noo? owner: Oui, oui! Josie: Naw, naw. That’s avvy voo the john the noo. Ach, by no means brain. Jist donnay us oon bottle o’ yer top bevy. ok? and a few sangwidges if ye’ve bought them. owner: Le sandwich, oui, m’sieu.

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